Hollow years

Have your ever felt despair? desperation? do they mean the same thing? Ok if this was a quick come n go kinda feeling it'd have been a lot easier to handle. I think despair is more momentary than desperation. Think mine is the latter. I don't think nobody can get what I'm feeling and its so frustrating to feel that. I don't have much to talk about in here except my feelings. I wish I had a story to share. Some thoughts. Oh yeah, i do actually. A friend of mine recently had a stalker in the form of an old lover. He was actually stalking her! and I was like part of the whole drama. It even got amusedly filmy when he threated to commit suicide if she didn't get back together with him. Which left me wondering how anybody can say such things to force the person back into his life. It sounds so incredibly selfish to me. But then I can't judge coz I don't know what levels of desperation the person went thru. There's the word again. Is it ok to say things like that just coz your in despair? Maybe its some twisted mind game to get the person back. What if saying that made the person come back and things turned out for the better? Is it a selfish or clever thing to say? Desperation is relative, is it? Just coz I cant feel the desperation of that person, that makes it not okay for him to say that! So if I understood his desperation, would I understand him saying that. Ok, now I've hit a dead wall. So I'm going back to work now. But, desperation still remains. Looks like this blog is gonna turn out to be just what I didnt-want-it-to-be after all.

Hollow years by Dream Theater recco'd by Tazz. Amazing song. One of the few songs where I like the beginning and the verse more than the chorus. Totally buried the song in my memory, but recently heard the band play it live at Chinese and Thai Cafe. I think its one of the more melodious songs by Dream Theater.

Feeling good

i feel a weird tingling sensation
i feel terribly betrayed.
i feel unsettled
i feel incapable of listening to any music as everything sounds too painful.
i feel insanely missing mom
i feel sick
i feel worried
i feel numb
i feel some kinda overpowering sadness
i feel inadequate
i feel like the earlier sense of happy fullness was snatched away from me
i feel pissed
i feel capable of bursting into tears any given moment
i feel in control all the same
i feel left in the lurch
i feel like i need a break
i feel like i need someone who values me
i feel like there is a log on my neck. physically.
i feel capable of writing but i rather vent
i feel let down by me
i feel stuck in a box
i feel trapped
i feel ignored
i feel spaced out
i feel like not working
i feel like running on a treadmill for miles n miles. thats a first.
i feel like vodka

Bend and Break

Today, the string broke. It used be a thickly coiled, rough and sturdy, fibrous kinda rope. The kind people tie around a tree to pull it down. There was a lot of wear and tear of course. The rope never had it easy. In fact thats a terrible understatement. Maybe it was all the constant tugging. Or all the rain and shine and weather changes the rope had witnessed. Towards the end, the old rope had it hard, it shrunk and groaned its way all through the end. Some months had seen it on its very last string. The last string provided some comfort and relief to the old rope. Like a faithful son. It told of the ropes great legacy left behind. It aptly represented all what the old rope used to be in good measure. Now it was gonna be its last witness to the rope's life. But bit by bit, the string too finally got shredded away to nothing. Empty. Non existent. Space.

Bend and break by Keane sounds suspiciously like Travis, if you didn't know which band was singing the song. Once used to be on my list of Sector 56 to office travel songs.

Mango Tree

I just discovered my favorite video ever. I love the picturization.. its so nostalgic and magical. like something out of my head.

I wish I had a mango tree
In my backyard
With you standin next to me
Take the picture
From her lips I heard her say
Can I have you
Caught up on what to say
I said you do

I said you do
I said you do

Through my eyes I can see
A shooting star
Weavn its way across the sea
Somewhere from mars
Down the street we would run
To scratch our names in the path
Young and free in the sun
Wheels upon the tar
I said you do
I said you do
I said you do
I said you do

Quelqu'un M'a Dit

I love you like a dew drop kissing an early morning petal
I love you like the hand which tucks the strand behind my ear
I love you like the beams of sun which hit me in winter cold
I love you like a stroke of vermilion bold

I love you like a dream amongst many
I love you like a lucky penny
I love you like an unshed tear
I love you like a moment so dear

I love you like a crazy urge
I love you like a boat in the deluge
I love you like the tingling left behind in a kiss
I love you like the feel of home so much i miss

Though between us lay uncountable miles of terrain
All that I hold with much disdain
Melt away as soon as I remember you
The hope I treasure with indomitable fire
springs forth for you, my desire

We may be lovers no more, but the mention of your name so sweet
Brings a heady rush of high unto my feet
As i stay here and do my mundane chores
All i ask is to love me more
So it may cumulate into all that one day
For you to ask me to forever stay.

Just for the record and inspired by Quelqu'un M'a Dit. watch it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsUlSvtziXU